Jim Rome is Definitely on Fire: The Duke Mascot Fires Back (sort of)

By now we've all seen the video of the Duke mascot blowing out his knee during their game versus Georgia Tech. The blogosphere, Duke haters, myself, and even Mike Patrick had a good laugh over it. But the alpha-douche bag of sports media, Jim Rome, took it way too far on his show this week.


"Memo to all mascots: let this be a lesson…an omen…a sign! No one likes you! You add nothing to the games you show up at! Mimes think you’re annoying! I get that you’re not athletic enough to play, or look good enough to cheer lead and you’re just looking for your place…just playing the hand you’re dealt. Fine, but don’t expect me to see that and not comment on it! "

Now Jim, we all know your four syllable game. You are a hack and a symbol of where contemporary sports journalism has gone wrong. You are a commentator who relies on over-the-top, inflammatory comments. You speak as loudly and with as much conviction as you can in order to mask the fact that you are an idiot. You're show Rome Is Burning is a running joke with intelligent sports fans across the country, but unfortunately you preach to the lowest common denominator, and they are plenty in number.

So this time you decided to make yourself feel like a big man by making fun of this kid, his injury, and mascots everywhere. To step in the armchair a second, this tough-guy approach most likely stems from a Napoleon complex, especially considering the ridiculous bio posted on your own website, and especially considering that Tommy Tough-nuts goatee you are sporting. You remind me of my high school gym teacher who used to get in on pick up volleyball games just to spike on kids to make himself feel better about being a high school gym teacher.

We decided to talk to the Duke Blue Devil Mascot himself, who will remain anonymous, to get his thoughts on the situation and on Jim Rome. The following interview took place over the phone on Friday, February 29.





TOUJ: How are you feeling?


DBD: I think one of the things people didn't realize was the extent of my injury. I tore my ACL and I have to get surgery. I have to miss my spring break and hopefully I'll be better by the middle of summer. But it's hard to get around right now.


TOUJ: What do you think of Jim Rome's comments?



DBD: I don't know where he thinks I'm coming from. I never tried to say I'm some great athlete. Obviously I'm not good enough to be playing basketball for Duke. I consider this an acting job, I have an acting background. This just happens to take place in the realm of athletics.


TOUJ: Do you watch Jim Rome is Burning or listen to his radio program?




DBD: Not really. Every time I've watched his show I've been so unimpressed. Even before this happened, my friends and I would make fun about how stupid and pointless his show is. I don't get where he comes off. The problem is ESPN has figured out that there isn't enough daily sports news to talk about. So they re-hash the same news and bring in information that isn't really newsworthy.


TOUJ: Yeah his show blows.


DBD: Yeah and they can afford to put it on because it's during a time when nobody watches TV anyways. I don't value his opinion on anything, and from what I understand no one else I've met does either.


TOUJ: But you understand why people think this is funny? I mean, I laughed.



DBD: Yeah i understand, its a guy in a suit getting hurt. If it wasn't me I would have thought it was funny. But I think it was really unprofessional for ESPN to release my name on TV. And from what I understand I might not be able to do it anymore because it's supposed to be a secret who it is.





ESPN, you are headed down the right track in getting rid of things like Quite Frankly, Cold Pizza, and Sean Salisbury, but keep going. Axe Rome and spare us all from the shitty lead-in to the slightly less shitty Around the Horn and tolerable PTI. And Rome, shave the goatee, you look and sound like a douche,you are not tough, (the most popular video of you on youtube is you getting bitched after acting like one), and you will hopefully retreat into obscurity, where you belong, in the coming years.