Gergalicious

Part of the best political team in television, there's only one David Gergen, Senior Political Analyst at CNN and Professor at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government. Let's face it, Gerg knows exactly what's in my noggin. Seriously, John King, Bill Schneider, stop frontin' like you've got your hands on the pulse of the nation's political weiner. You don't. Dobbs, you're out of line all the time; take it easy on those immigrants, would you? (don't complain about this, too.)

But Gergen isn't out of line; he's the man. He should have his own show to find love (see: Flavor of Love). We could call it "The Gergen Train."

Anygerg, I can't help but think Gergen when I think politics. I would much rather have a little Dave Gergen sit by my bed and read me my news from a piece of burnt parchment during a snowy night than watch any amount of news coverage. The other day, I was minding my own business, you know, checking out Anderson Cooper 360 and thinking about Erica Hill leaving her husband for me (Erica, I love you <3<3<3<3<3), when I realized the Election Center was on next, and you know what that means... Gergen.

Of course, he came out firing. "The Congress has an 11% approval rating, that's lower than O.J. Simpson! He has a 16% approval rating, so that's something. You know the new president is going to have to deal with this type of thing, among a variety of other problems: the environment, medicare, the baby boomers are retiring during this presidency, Kyoto expires in the fourth year of this next presidency, the economy's in a recession..."

Jesus, Gerg... stop! I'm scared Dave, hold me. Tell me it's going to be O.K.; don't leave me here to die in a whirlwind of political fear!

...but hey, Davey... nice joke about O.J., you sexy, sexy man, oh stop it, stop it! O.K. go ahead, no stop!

Woah, where was I? Oh yes, as you can see, David Gergen doesn't just keep it real for himself, he keeps it real for the rest of us. CNN, you better keep Gergen there like he's a brand new baby boy created from the Earth, transformed by an alchemist into gold, filled with chocolate and eaten.

Dobbs, shut the fuck up.